A few days after my place burnt down, I was reading a book written by Sri Aurobindo on “The Adventure of Consciousness” and in the passage “The Transition” V32, he states:
Once we have begun yoga, we must go to the end, no matter what, because if we let go of the thread, we may never find it again. There, indeed, is the trial. The seeker must understand that he is being born to another life, and his new eyes, his new senses are not yet formed; he is like a newborn child just coming into the world. There is not a lessening of consciousness but, in reality, a passage to a new consciousness: The cup [has to be] left clean and empty for the divine liquor to be poured into it.34 The only resource in these circumstances is to cling to our aspiration and, precisely because everything is so terribly lacking, allow it to grow like a fire into which we throw all our old clothes, our old life, our old ideas and old feelings; we have to have an unshakable faith that behind this transition, a door will open. And our faith is not foolish; it is not a credulous stupidity but a foreknowledge, something within us that knows before we do, sees before we do, and which sends its vision and knowledge to the surface in the form of a yearning, a seeking, an inexplicable faith. Faith, says Sri Aurobindo, is an intuition not only waiting for experience to justify it, but leading towards experience.35
It was the first time I read that definition of ‘Faith” and considering what he said about our aspiration being like a “fire” into which we throw all our old clothes….I could not help thinking of the fire of my apartment as if it was meant to burn away old ideas and old feelings and if so, this period after the fire was like a rebirth into something more beautiful but I must now have the faith…..’leading towards the experience”
It would take some time to forget things that I lost in the fire but I was not there yet, not willing to forget some things because I was still attached to them, and as long as I was attached to them I could not have the ‘experience’.
A friend astrologer came to visit and I listened as he told me his readings. He told me that the planet Uranus was in my area and that when Uranus comes, it brings ‘electricity’. “Eletricity?” I said, Well the inspectors claimed that there was faulty wiring in the roof and there is where the fires started, caused by the rotting electric wires!
My astrologist friend said that he considers that whatever happens on the outside is always in relationship with the inside and that I should consider the fire as a cleansing.
That night I had a dream…where I was in a big house with lots of people. I went into the kitchen where many people wre cooking on a range of gas stoves. My younger brother had a lit match in his hand and was going to light one of the cookers and I stopped to tell him that I thought it dangerous and to be careful. I left the kitchen and went to the toilet. I was hardly comfortably seated when there was a knock at the door. “What’s the matter?” I enquired and my brother answered “Get out fast because the house is on fire!” “Is there no time to finish?” I enquired and he answered “No, its a big fire!” I was yelling “Not again! Not again!” as I awoke.
A few days later I went to a Conference given by Roger Garoudy. I took one note. He said “Faith means believing that life has a meaning.” I guess everything in life has a meaning,we just have to be patient with faith, holding on to the yearning, the seeking. We began a journey, which Aurobindo calls “Yoga” and we must go to the end no matter what, because if we let go of the thread, we may never find it again.